41 And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. 42 And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. 43 And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. 44 For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”
I give the Lord.
I give to his work, I support missions, I help the church, I volunteer, I pray.
I do these things.
But I am SO not like this widow lady.
I, like so many, give out of my abundance.
If I feel like I have nothing, I don't give away anything. I clutch on to what is MINE.. IT"S MINE YOU KNOW!!!!
I suppose it's the Dutchness in me (at least I could blame that). Raised to be mindful of what is mine and to be careful with it.
But what it comes down to is simply this.
What if I give away something I NEED?
What if I give to someone who then goes and wastes it?
What if... what if.. what if.
I need to save for rainy day don't I?
Isn't all I am required to give is 10%?? Isn't it???
It's all excuses for the fear within.
I talk to my lad about how he needs to TRUST me, TRUST the Lord, to not try to control things. That the lack of trust doesn't reduce the fear within of needing to control events in his life...
And yet here I sit.
Controlling my "stuff" out of fear.
Isn't God in control?
Isn't God the one who holds my future in the palm of his hand?
Well .. if he is. Should that make a difference in my life? Shouldn't it?
Shouldn't my trust in God be greater than the fear within?
This widow lady.. has TWO small copper coins to her name.
What does she do? Does she clutch them to herself?
She gave them to God's work.
She simply gave it.
Not considering her own needs (or perhaps she did consider them but then considered the needs to God's people to be greater).
She gave it.
I stand here convicted.
Seeing my shame and failure.
My lack of trust and dependence on God to meet MY EVERY NEED. Every single NEED. Not want or desires...though God so often blesses by meeting those wants. But he will meet and fulfill my every true need.
So no more being scared or wanting to maintain control of MY STUFF.
It's not for me to hang onto.
It's for me to let go and just let God use it.
It's for me to just trust God.