Is that a horrible thing to admit?
I hope and pray that my faith can help my son learn to love and follow Christ. But I know I can't force him to do so.
So where does the leave me?
Does it leave me with a Christ who seemed so disappointed in his disciples?
14 And when they came to the crowd, a man came up to him and, kneeling before him, 15 said, "Lord, have mercy on my son, for he is an epileptic and he suffers terribly. For often he falls into the fire, and often into the water. 16 And I brought him to your disciples, and they could not heal him." 17 And Jesus answered, "O faithless and twisted generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him here to me." 18 And Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of him, and the boy was healed instantly. 19 Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, "Why could we not cast it out?" 20 He said to them, "Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."
So how does one separate how they feel with what is?
I know my faith in Christ is sure.
Which means I have faith. And all I need is faith.
But I don't THINK, I don't FEEL like my faith will make a huge difference in anything. It's so easy to get beaten down you know.
So I don't know. I really don't. Does it mean I really don't have faith? I don't think that's the answer either. Perhaps it's that I don't ask God for enough things and then really truly look for his response. if I see his response to my prayers, perhaps then I won't see my faith is being so insignificant.
Hmm...... that might be it you know. I see God's actions in hindsight, but I don't always just simply stop and truly ask him for things. Things like... Hubby knowing what job he'll have in the future, my brother to sell the farm and be able to support his family well, my nephew to come to true saving faith, for my niece to deliver her baby well and for God to use this in her life to bring her to faith in him, for my church to grow, for me to find a bible study to belong to.. these are all things I SHOULD be actively praying for and about. I simply don't talk to God enough about these things. Faith requires action you know and I haven't been active enough.
Yes... I'm improving in my ability to just read God's word and to ponder on it. But now I need to put that into action better.
A prayer journal perhaps?
Yes, I think that would be a very good thing. :)
Ah.. how the Lord nudges his people eh? :)